Next month around this time, I will become a first-time mom to a baby girl. I am beyond excited to start this new chapter with my husband, and I’ve spent most days of the past almost nine months feeling immensely grateful. We’ve had a lot of fun brainstorming names, decorating the nursery, and imagining life with a tiny human who looks a little bit like both of us. All the good things about being pregnant, I’ve indulged in.
As this pregnancy is winding down, I find myself reflecting at a frequency that keeps me up at night and a lot of the realizations are, well… honest. Whether you’re a seasoned mom or a brand new one, you may be able to relate. Please forgive their scattered nature. I can barely keep a thought in my head these days!
- Ignorance is bliss. I am still on the “pretty” side of motherhood. Despite all the warnings of the first few months being insanely hard, I still have the “But I will be just fine” delusions. I think we keep these thoughts alive because it’s comforting. I know there will hard times and painful times – but all I want to think about is spending all of my time snuggling with my sweet baby, bonding, and staying up all night watching Game of Thrones. Let me have my fantasy, k?
- I love my job, but I am afraid I won’t be ready to return to it when the time comes. I am taking as much maternity leave as American society allows, even though it will be scarily detrimental to my finances. Why? Because as a mom, you get one firstborn, and life is far too short not to savor that time for as long as possible. My whole life, I always dreamed that I would stay at home with my baby or even work part time, but fast-forward to reality, and that dream just won’t be possible. I envy moms who can make it work, but I’m also telling myself that I will welcome a bit of adult human time after 12 weeks of constant nurturing. Cross your fingers!
- My plan to be all Jessica Alba during pregnancy quickly faded into being all Jessica Simpson during pregnancy. The truth hurts (and so do my cankles). I’ll have a lot of work ahead of me after the baby arrives, but I’m already looking forward to bouncing back to the cleaner lifestyle I adopted before getting pregnant. (See also, “Ignorance is bliss.”)
- I’m nervous about what my life will look like as a mom. Just this past weekend before my baby shower, as I felt all of the this is really happening feels, I had a moment of guilt. What if I don’t love being a mom? Maybe a better question would be, why do I feel guilty about wondering if I’m going to love being a mom? I assume most women have thought this at least once, and why wouldn’t we? We’re going into this completely blind. I loved my life with my husband, friends, and family before – so it’s probably natural to be nervous about losing all of that to someone I don’t even know yet. Right?
- I talk to my belly, all the time. And I bet I look like a lunatic. I don’t care. I will miss having my baby with me to chat with once she’s sleeping soundly in her crib and I’m downstairs doing laundry.
- There are several things I can’t stop thinking about, just around the corner. They include wine, Wegman’s Old Fashions Assorted subs, raw sushi, daily walks in warmer weather, less waddling, more writing, and of course – seeing my baby girl’s face for the first time!
- I’ve always said I will never write a “mommy blog.” Yet here I am, writing a mommy blog! This is likely the best example of what motherhood will be like: having a pre-conceived notion, and then having that notion shattered into a million pieces, time and time again. I’m humble enough to be open to it all.
Kudos to all you moms out there already doing it, and cheers to the first-timers like me about to embark on this crazy journey!
WRITTEN BY LINDSAY
Lindsay Hyatt is a proud Buffalonian, former teacher, current Technology Specialist, and a soon-to-be new mom. She loves to travel, sing in her band, and write for her blog, The Daily Sampler. Connect with Lindsay on Twitter @thedailysampler.