The amount of women that can relate to my my miscarriage story is astounding. “I’ve been there”, they would say. Or “I know exactly how you feel.” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised – 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage in their life time – but it’s not a topic that is vastly spoken about.
Why? Because I remember the joy on our families faces when we told them I was pregnant for the first time. I also remember the gut wrenching reality of having to “take it back” and tell everyone that the doctors couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat. That preparations would have to cease. That the announcement is now null and void, but hey, at least I could drink again! (insert painful, fake smile.)
That feeling of “let down” and failure makes you want to crawl into a hole. It is probably one of the most difficult, uncomfortable conversations you will ever have to have.
Yet despite the sadness and discomfort of the topic, I was so thankful for the support and love I received throughout the process. I was even more thankful for the “I know what you’re going through” messages so many of my family members and friends relayed. They made me feel better. Like I wasn’t alone.
Here are some lessons I learned from my journey:
1. It will forever change the way you view pregnancy. I remember questioning the thought of trying again for another baby. And even though we decided to go through with it, I was so terrified of miscarrying again that it sometimes overshadowed our joy. Don’t let that happen. I recommend throwing out any sort of expectation you may have, keeping an open mind, and cherishing every moment.
2. No one knows how to properly react. People will unintentionally say things that will make it worse. Cliche statements, like “Everything happens for a reason.” Or, “At least you can get pregnant.” Some may not have gotten the memo, and will even congratulate you and ask you when you are due. Although painful, they are just trying to help. Try not to punch them in the face, hug it out, and thank them for their kind words.
3. Celebrate the life that once was, and the life that exists around you. Talk about your baby. Celebrate what you went through and the fact that you are strong and still standing.
Most importantly, share your story – you never know who can relate.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. “We remember… the babies born sleeping. Those we carried but never held. Those we held but could not take home. Those who came home but could not stay.” If you would like to share your story with the readers of BuffaloMoms, please contact us at Buffalomomblog@gmail.com
WRITTEN BY KRISTEN
Kristen Cronyn is a lover of technology, memes, and emojis. She spends most of her time documenting the ridiculous antics of her children on social media, in hopes of one day scoring her own reality TV Show.